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An Apple Fan's Unbiased Analysis


Lately Apple's been on a winning streak. Its stock continues to reach all-time highs, its iPod is an unrivaled success, and its operating system is considered as good or better than Microsoft's for the first time in ages.

But as it attempts to move into the living room, can Apple prove its Apple TV is in fact better than Sliced Bread? Our technicians put the new device and the beloved food staple to the test.

HD Content

The Apple TV handles HD content like a pro. The biggest drawback right now is the lack of HD content on the iTunes Store itself, but this promises to be remedied soon. On the other hand, Sliced Bread has no HD inputs. In our testing, it could barely handle 420p, and viewing anything higher came out grainy.

Winner: Apple TV

Taste

This was a close one. Sliced Bread is enjoyed around the world for its many tastes and varieties. But the Apple TV's taste is not entirely unpleasant. In the end, we grudgingly awarded Sliced Bread a point in this category, but we're sure Apple will address this shortcoming in a future revision or software update.

Winner: Bread (barely)

Allergies

My wife is allergic to gluten, meaning she has to make her own bread and cannot eat many foods. So far, she's not showing any signs of Apple TV allergies. In fact, she's become somewhat addicted to it and the Battlestar Galactica episodes that come out of it.

Winner: Apple TV

Value

A loaf of Sliced Bread is a few dollars, whereas the Apple TV is $299. But the Apple TV is a one-time purchase, whereas you need to keep buying Sliced Bread. If a Apple TV were to last 75 years, which I think we can agree it will, that works out to a penny a day! Take that, Sliced Bread. If that's even your real name.

Winner: Apple TV

Durability

Will the Apple TV mold? Will it get stale? Will it wrinkle up all grossly when you put peanut butter and jelly on it and leave it in a paper bag for 4 hours? Of course not. Sliced Bread, you're a disgrace.

Winner: Apple TV

The Final Results

The Apple TV came in with 4 points, whereas dastardly Sliced Bread came in with just 1. So that should settle it. The Apple TV is better than Sliced Bread.